


Dear You

by 9nlyAFewTriggers (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Letter, Mentioned suicide, Mentioned suicide attempt, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/9nlyAFewTriggers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't know if you still hate me, but I hope you don't. I don't think you really have the power to hate anyone, but if you did have a little bit for me, please forgive me. Please forgive me, Tavros. Because I really did love you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear You

I promise I loved you.

I loved you more than anything else. Anyone else. Ever. You were my world, I swear you were.

But I just didn't know how to show it. I didn't know how to show it, so I bullied you. Belittled you. Made you feel like a useless piece of shit, all through middle and high school.

I had no idea you felt so horrible. I mean, I guess I did. I guess I did but I chose not to notice because I'm a fucking horrible bitch, a fucking horrible bitch who was scared to admit her feelings for the lamest loser in school.

And when you killed yourself senior year I played it off as long as I could. But I swear to you I went home, and I cried. Hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour. Until there were no tears left. Until my face was raw and my eyes were red.

I tried to hide it, and I tried to play everything off. I succeeded, for two months. Two fucking months I acted like I didn't care, like you meant nothing.

Like you were just a toy for my amusement.

But when I broke down during fourth period when our teacher discussed why it was bad to bully someone, to make someone feel horrible, worthless, that's when everyone realized I cared.

My cover was blown. My cover was blown, and my makeup was running.

I went home that day. I went home that day and tried to overdose. Only when Equius burst through my door to see if I was okay did someone finally realize I wasn't. It took years for one of my closets friends to realize I was broken.

I promise I wasn't doing it for attention. I promise that I just wanted to leave, to maybe join you again. I wasn't planning on living. I wrote a suicide note, one much similar, yet so different from this one.

But I guess this isn't really a suicide note. Because I'm not killing myself. If you ask me I'm already dead inside, so there's no reason to try anything again.

If you were wondering, I've been writing to you for years. Since about five months after you died. I just stashed them all away, afraid someone would find them. I hid them beneath my bed, buried down there with my secrets and my razor sharp lies.

This is the first one I'm putting by your gravestone. I'm burying it right next to the hole your casket was lowered into, and maybe you'll see it. Is there an afterlife? I don't know. If there is you've probably seen all of my other notes; all of my other confessions.

John's going to help me. He'll be there for emotional support, he says. I'm so thankful for him. He was one of the only people who didn't hate me after.. well, your death. And I've come to realize that while I loved you, I now love him.

Please understand. Please understand that he's picking up my pieces, the ones broken by you. I don't blame you for breaking me. It was all my fault, really. It was. I've known that, I've known that since the day I found out you shot yourself.

Three times in the stomach, once in the throat.

Why did you do that, by the way? Cause yourself more pain than necessary?

I guess I'll never know the answer. But maybe I don't want to. I don't know.

I do know that I'm going to be burying this note, as I've said, and then I'll bury the rest, one by one, until I run out.

Just so I don't forget. But also, so I can let go.

I don't know if you still hate me, but I hope you don't. I don't think you really have the power to hate anyone, but if you did have a little bit for me, please forgive me.

Please forgive me, Tavros. Because I really did love you.

And, well, I regret it. All of it. Everything I did.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. But I can't keep living in the past.

It's time to move on.

It's time to move on, but I won't forget you. I'll never forget you.

-Vriska ::::)


End file.
